There was an older movie that I grew up watching titled “Better off Dead”. In this movie the main character was trying hard to practice skiing I don’t remember why. But that’s ok because it’s not the point of this story. One of his crazy friends was trying to “coach” him and he says “look, you go that way really fast…. “, as he points down the hill, then adds “if something gets in your way… turn!”
As much as we prepare and plan for where we are going to be tomorrow or the famous “where do you see yourself in 5 years?” question. I tell people honest now. “I don’t fucking know!” Most of the time I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. I spent years trying to plan for tomorrow only to find that tomorrow has other plans than I do. So I rush to “replan” to “tweak” things and make a “Plan B”… C…. D… E ………..
ok Plan ZZZZZZZ now”
It become so easy to hate life with the changes in plans. I’ll be honest I hate change and having PTSD makes change even more piss me off make me want to give up annoying.
Why do I even try? I put my heart and soul into getting my family and me where we need to be and one person’s decision, one change in weather, one unexpected auto-pay clearing before rent and BOOM entire world is flipped upside down. Plan is up in flames with really no options for a plan B through Z. What the fuck do I do now?
That’s right, I said trust. And here’s why…
Recently, (last December) I took a risk to move my family to Maryland for a job that had a “5 year contract” and the position was “temp to perm” when I asked how “perm is perm?” I was told that the conract was 5 years. Little did I know that 11 months later I’d be unemployed because the company “ran out of money” and oh by the way “lost the contract”, this all told to me while I’m out of town working and have zero time to start job hunting.
Now you are thinking “that’s what you get for trusting” but wait for it, the trust I am talking about is in God. That’s right I said God. I tell everyone I am not going to P.C. things up here and I’m not afraid to say God. God has proven to me over and over that he’s got my back even when I don’t. Besides there has to be something out there greater than me with a plan.
Alone with God
While traveling alone with my shitty news I decided to talk with God a bit, like “ok God, now what?” God is the ultimate practical joker. He seems to take my plans and show me repeatedly that I am not in charge. (yet another issue with my PTSD symptoms, I hate not being in charge) I finally decided “ok God lets go with YOUR plan, my shit ain’t workin.”
I am starting a dream job Monday 4 November. I cannot believe it’s real. This is a wonderful opportunity and I will tell ya what… God just took the past 3 -4 years of work and made it look like a waste of life by giving me this opportunity.
So I’ll leave you with a quote from my grandma any time my dad hit a rough spot in life… “when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on.”
Because Giving Up is NOT and Option!
To be continued…