PTSDDaddy Funny Thing about Personal Responsibility… it’s Personal
I decided to start this post with a warning for good reason. I may make enemies of friends out there for saying some things that specifically disagree with their thoughts. Personal responsibility I use this term because there is a certain point at which the only person to blame is yourself. What? Yes, I said it, it’s YOUR FAULT! It’s not mommy or daddy, it’s not the way you were raised, it’s not because of your skin color or prayers you pray. The fault is 100% all yours and there is nobody to blame.
I understand this personally…
Look I know this is a difficult thing to admit. I know this personally and intimately. It’s so easy to view ourselves as the “good guys” that if things go wrong or bad it cannot be MY fault because I have good intentions and a halo! The reason I wanted to talk about this today has nothing and everything to do with PTSD. Look I KNOW, I KNOW it’s now your fault you have PTSD I’m not sitting here telling you that you are to blame and leave everyone alone! I will say these things and hope you follow my train of thought:
- I volunteered for the Army, so this could be part of the reason I have PTSD, or all of the reason. Volunteering was MY CHOICE.
- Initially I did not see I had PTSD, once my wife pointed it out to me I fought it. There is NO WAY I had PTSD, so for years not seeking treatment was MY CHOICE! Just saying had I gone to treatment earlier I would be further along in this recovery process.
- Initially I fought even the thought of taking meds. Again MY CHOICE!
- I come home and admit to family I have PTSD and they don’t “get it” so I get PISSED OFF! I don’t take the time to explain, I am too embarrassed to go into details, and some of the stories I will never tell them. Well then why the hell do I have a right to get mad? MY CHOICE, MY CHOICE, AND AGAIN MY CHOICE
Treatment or NOT?
I hear many horror stories about the VA. I understand many complaints about the VA. I want to ask this though: Am I the only one who goes into a VA hospital and feel EXACTLY the same way as when I went into an Army hospital? Look I understand, the VA sucks, but guys THIS IS SOCIALIZED HEALTH CARE! That’s what it IS. When the whole Obamacare crap came out I said “who the hell would choose socialized health care when they have all the other options?” Well now I know. ME! I CHOSE to go to the VA to get things checked on. It’s cheaper because it’s combat related they cover 100% of my healthcare cost. I CHOSE to keep Tricare Prime for me and my family because it’s cheaper then the alternate and they get good care. So who am I to complain when I CHOSE much of this? I could easily say “NO” and choose to go out and get a healthcare plan outside of the VA and Tri-Care but I don’t.
What I am Sayin’ is…So what am I saying? I’m saying this… if you are sitting at home along contemplating suicide and DON’T tell anyone, DON’T give anyone a chance to talk to you and show you all the good in life. That’s YOUR CHOICE! I cannot claim responsibility for that. If you try the VA and it “takes too long” so you leave and then you die. YOU CHOSE to leave because of impatience. Again this is not MY or the VA’s fault. Sure the VA has some things to address. NO and I MEAN NO organization is perfect, but there comes a time when we as VETS need to take personal responsibility and police our own. Where were you when your brother needed someone on the phone? YOU know if he’s doing ok or if he needs a check in every now and then to see how he’s doing. When as veterans are we going to unite all these fantastic veteran run veteran owned non-profits so that instead of 50 million options we all team up and create one great solution? Look we can choose to do our own thing, or we can choose to be united. The VA is never going to be perfect so just go ahead and take any expectations of the VA being “fixed” out of your mind. It can get better, but can’t solve everything! If our own choices end up good or bad so is an organization comprised of individuals and individual choices.
I CHOOSE, I MAKE SHIT HAPPEN!
With all this said I want to make this very clear. I have PTSD. I CHOOSE to fight it and make life better! I CHOOSE to get up every morning and compliment my wife (sometimes I fail but I never give up). I CHOOSE to enjoy my kids and teach them to treat others with respect and dignity. I CHOOSE to live even in the worst of times. I CHOOSE to write this blog and eventually this book even though the hardest thing I have ever done is to spill out all my issues to the world. I LIVE in America, therefore my life is full of choices and nobody is making them for me. I need to take responsibility for my own actions, my own thoughts, my own words. I need to be held accountable, and I need to act accordingly. WE ALL DO even us “crazies”!