#PTSDDaddy… Who I am
For those of you who have followed some of my posts I felt I owed it to everyone reading to explain #PTSDDaddy, Who I am. I spent 9 1/2 years in the United States Army. I joined the 18 x-ray program. So what’s that mean exactly? I know there are some who aren’t Army who look at our MOS’s and think… yeah I have no idea what that means. You see I went straight into boot camp and then Infantry training. From there I went to Airborne school to learn to jump out of airplanes. My father always told me “I don’t know why you guys want to jump out of a perfectly good aircraft.” After that I went straight to Fort Bragg, NC and started the Special Forces Qualification Course also known as (SFQC). I won’t go into details on that as you can pretty much google everything you need to see on that. I will mention here that I spent all my time in the Army (aside from initial training up to graduation of SFQC) in Special Forces. That’s right, I was a Green Beret.
The reason this is important to bring up is not to be the “cool guy” in fact, it’s quite opposite of that. In my field where I grew up especially many people we knew to have PTSD or try to medically retire were shitbags. I can say this with confidence because we knew most of these assholes claiming it to not have done anything they said they had done. Which brings a negative light to all who claim PTSD and medically retire. Here I was at the early end of a career because I had too many injuries to keep doing the Green Beret thing and nearly lost my family due to the PTSD thing. Needless to say I was looking at myself as a failure. I also could not bring any of this up to those men I served with because I felt about myself the same way I felt about everyone else claiming PTSD and medically retiring. I knew I wasn’t lying but I felt like a shitbag. I knew my body was done done, but I felt like a shitbag.
It has taken me nearly 4 years to get to the place I am now and every minute of it was hard work with treatment. When I think I am doing really well, something happens that’s a reminder that PTSD and broken body is a lifetime curse. The gift that keeps on giving.
My daddy told me once “Son, I have never seen anyone fall on their face so much and still have the guts to get back up.” Well maybe I’m a glutton for punishment but I refuse to stay down. And I am adding facebook friends and twitter contacts to force myself to be more social and less hateful. I see this as an opportunity to help others who are “too cool” to have PTSD realize that having it is not mean you’re a shitbag. That’s a different category. I can’t cure all the idiots who want to claim PTSD without having it, but I sure as hell can tell you those who do, have PTSD because they fought and earned that badge. It’s a badge given to those few who have stood up for the greater good. It’s a badge of honor and sacrafice. If people fully understood PTSD, nobody would look down or sideways even at those of us with it. But that’s not why I’m writing this. I’m not trying to let those who don’t know. I am trying to find those who live it every day and let them know that there is a way to fight back. You fought to get PTSD, now lets fight PTSD together.
#PTSDDaddy, Who I am
I’m a Green Beret, I did 3 deployments in 4 years, I’ve more firefights than I can count, more explosions than I remember, more dead people than I can recall, and I have PTSD and am no longer ashamed to say it. I still have troubles sometimes, but God Damnit! I got this by serving the masses, and protecting all I love and by God I’m going to wear this badge with pride and be a living example hoping to motivate others to wear it with pride. Join me, fight PTSD! And now you know a bit of who I am and why I’m here.