Outlets are Important…

I just wanted to make some quick comments on the importance for those of us with or without PTSD to have an outlet. When I get triggered there is a huge difference between what I WANT to do, and what I ACTALLY do. Keep in mind guys, you are in the “real world” now. Violence, yelling, hitting shit, shooting shit, all of this is deemed “threatening” to those who have not been around the same shit we have experienced. It’s up to us as individuals to find that means to get those aggression and anxiety out because the more we do not react, the more we push what we WANT to do back, the bigger the explosion we will experience when we hit our limit.
When I first admitted that I had PTSD, was also a time when I realized that some of my reactions were not acceptable in this “real world” I ended up in. The times when I was triggered, I reacted loudly, violently, or verbally abusive and had I been around my gang in Afghanistan, they would all understand and let me get it out. Not at home…
At home, people’s feelings got hurt, which meant I got nagged about my outburst, which triggered me more, which continued the cycle of me reacting in an unacceptable manner. You can see how the spiral out of control can expand exponentially from this. Ok… so…

What is “acceptable”???

Hitting shit and/or people is not acceptable. I know, I know, some people out there just need a throat punch. I get it people are retarded and need a slap in the face. I understand that hitting a wall or a table does not hurt anyone but ourselves. But these “normal” people living in the “real world” do not understand this. So you buy a punching bag right? Hit that when you need to explode right? WRONG, because whenever you explode the punching bag is NOT in reach. How many times are you alone by your punching bag and get triggered? ZERO… not happening. So yeah hitting that is out of the question because it’s not practical to think that a punching bag will be in reach. Even if it was in reach you are not thinking about hitting the bag, you want to hit anything near you. Nothing personal of course, just a fact of life.
I know I just wrote a paragraph about “unacceptable” which doesn’t answer the what IS…

keep reading I’m getting there I promise…

I found out that yelling is not acceptable. Harmless yes, until the “normal” people around you get their feelings hurt. I will tell you what, you would figure yelling is a good way to get that shit out without getting hassled. Nobody is getting hurt, my hand does not even hurt from yelling. I will be completely honest here, I do NOT see a problem in yelling to get out frustration/anxiety/stress. But damn there goes someone getting butthurt and then the nagging and back to that spiral out of control. Yelling more, yelling louder, why? Because lets face it… we HAVE to win.
I’ll admit it, I have to win. I have to be louder, meaner, scarier, then whoever is around when I get triggered.

Back to what IS “acceptable”???

Reminds me of an old movie a guy explains that the secret of life is ONE thing. The problem is this ONE thing is different for everyone. All of our PTSD issues are from different events, the effects are different, the triggers are different, and the solution is different. You have to find your “acceptable” method of release. For me, I’m getting back into the workouts. I feel free when I am in the gym. I plug my headset in and pick a workout, pick heavy weights, and do them till they hurt. I recently tried running a 5K. I was doing well training and then my legs started getting horribly painful. By the time the 5K came, it was WAY cold outside. I’m sorry but I’m NOT Army anymore I do NOT have to deal with running in the cold. So I cancelled.
My goal was achieved though. I could run a 5K if I had to. I would not be first, I will not impress anyone, but I will survive. That was my main goal of planning the 5K. GOALS!!! Find your Mission! Overall… Mission Accomplished! Ok so that’s gone… now I need another goal. With running being so painful I have decided maybe the doctors are right and I should not be running with my broken self. So I have changed to lifting weights. It’s quite difficult to lift the way that I should. In my head I have that STUD, but my body is not what it used to be. I am taking it slow. I am entering the “transphormation” challenge on 1st Phorm. My pants are getting way loose and I am getting in better shape. I no longer suffocate tying my shoes.

Most IMPORTANT…

Because I have found a healthy way to expend my energy and anger, when I am triggered I have a clearer mind and can work through the trigger. I have control back. A simple action such as a workout helps me better control my adrenaline and my temper. I highly recommend finding YOUR outlet. Maybe it’s fishing, maybe it’s a walk, and maybe it’s lifting weights. I will be posting updates on my physical self-punishment in a separate area on this blog. So stay tuned on my updates… I’m breaking into the mind, body, and soul PTSD treatment. Right now my focus is on mind and body… one addition at a time…

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