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Twenty-two

A guy I know, I know him from a group I joined about a year ago, and ended up quitting due to some issues I had with some of the ways the local leadership were running things. This group is called Warrior Pointe and they are a group of veterans supporting veterans, giving them a place with people who can relate to their experiences. They do well with this and although I left for certain things I had issues with the organization as a whole is good. I have seen the support help several people, I just had to deal with my own issues and had no energy left to try to deal with those issues as well.

Anyways that really has nothing to do with my story other than this is how I met the guy. He’s a friend on Facebook, but one of those people where I see posts now and then. Now Facebook doesn’t show you all the posts from all your friends it shows some here and there depending on a lot of different variables. Whatever! So even though he is a friend, a veteran, a brother in arms, I did not see his post last Friday.

I found out yesterday from another friend, a sister in arms that over the weekend this guy tried to kill himself. Fortunately, he was unsuccessful. I found myself going back in his posts to find that post. The post everyone posts before they make this decision. The one that says “look, I just can’t handle it anymore.” There were many where his wife was posting updates on his status at the hospital and how much his son misses him. It breaks my heart to know that a brother was that alone in his struggles. It breaks my heart even more to hear from the wife and son who almost lost their father. I am certain that going back in time, if I had seen that post, I could not have gotten to help in time. I know that I can’t fix everything, for years I have been trying to. For years, I have been unsuccessful.
Awhile back I posted a comment that was found offensive by some, hilarious by others. It had to do with suicide and was an obviously smart-ass comment. So, for those of you offended I say this….

I know well more than you do about death. This above friend is one of the many friends in which suicide has been considered, attempted, or successfully executed. Don’t lecture me on “oh you can’t joke about that” It’s a free nation because of people like myself and people like this guy, and many more I could list that I have had the pleasure of sharing hell with to allow you to live free. I have earned the right to joke, and all Soldiers understand, it’s the sick humor we have that keeps those like us going. I took a long time to stop posting and have gone back and forth and back and forth about that comment and those it affected. I asked myself if it was too far or if those offended are too sensitive. I debated in my heart, mind and soul all because you had hurt feelings.
It’s a sad fact that men like me cannot relate to family, to blood. We try to share a bit of ourselves and get shamed for being offensive. We are misunderstood and categorized as outcasts or at least a bit weird. It’s no wonder guys like my friend here have a difficult time keeping the good fight going. I can help my brothers and sisters in arms so much… but where is the blood? Where is those who call us “inappropriate” or ‘shameful” when those darkest moments of demon voices take control? One things for sure… you are NOT there for them.

If this post offends you go suck an egg! If you’re feelings are hurt, go kill yourself! Lord knows you aren’t doing much to fix anything.

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